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| Cassie's Room; Baby Leon? <3 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 11 2011, 04:07 PM (782 Views) | |
| Cassie Davis | Jan 11 2011, 04:07 PM Post #1 |
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Maybe everything that was going on was just some weird, horrible nightmare. It could be. After all, weird and horrible nightmares happened to her all the time. Maybe not recently, but it used to. It used to happen quite frequently, so maybe this was the same. Maybe... Unfortunately, that was all just wishful thinking. What she felt was real, the worries she was having were real, and this was most certainly real. Serena had rushed her to the hospital after all that happened in the flat. She'd only just begun labor and the Healers had originally wanted to send her home for a few hours, but there was no way Cassie was going through any of that while stuck at home. What if something went wrong? She wouldn't know what to do, and because of that she had been absolutely adamant that she was staying in the hospital. So, they'd let her and found her a room to stay in. She'd originally wanted Serena to stay for a while, but in the end, she'd told her just to leave. They weren't all that close and she was sure that Serena didn't exactly want to see her give birth, even if that wouldn't happen for a while. Besides, they'd left a note for Leon and he was never really gone for long, so she was sure that he'd be there soon. So, for the moment, she laid in there alone, curled up a bit with her eyes closed tightly, just trying to calm herself down. Anything could go wrong, especially with her, and as such, she was extremely on edge. |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 11 2011, 04:40 PM Post #2 |
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The moment he saw the note, Leon immediately thought of the worst – that the baby was dead. The damn note said nothing but that Cassie was in Mungos. It seemed to be written ina rush and he was positive that something horrible had happened. Something that couldn`t be fixed. That they have lost their child, it was the worst that could happen. That was because losing both his son and Cassie wasn`t a possibility. The universe wasn`t that cruel to do such thing. It couldn`t be. He immediately rushed to Mungos and as the receptionist told him where to go, he was there in a couple of moments, running through the door and towards Cassie, who was lying on the bed. ”Cassie! Oh my god, what happened? Are you okay? Is the baby okay? What happened? Oh God, Cas, please tell me it`s all okay.” He said in one breath, almost hysterically grabbing her hand and squeezing it. He was afraid to hear the worst, hear what she could say. In a way Leon felt like it was his fault. He should have stayed home. No matter what, he should have stayed home. |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 11 2011, 04:57 PM Post #3 |
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Cassie had actually really been trying to calm down. She refused to open her eyes, refused to look around at her surroundings. It only worried her more. She was never in the hospital for a good reason. And yes, giving birth was a good reason, but not this early. No, this was bad... Just, very bad. Leon's voice snapped her out of it, though. She wasn't even close to calm anymore as she heard his panicked voice. Her eyes opened quickly, locking on his as she burst into tears again. "Serena came by, and..." Deep breaths. She didn't need to start freaking out again. More anxiety would only hurt her. Still, she couldn't help it. All of those memories literally hurt her. He didn't want to be found. He didn't want to see her. Jake didn't want to see her. "God, Leon, he's alive..." Well, he'd asked what happened. Another shaky breath. "Jake's alive, and... and he doesn't want to see me... He's been alive this whole time... I couldn't... I couldn't handle that, and... and I went into labor, and... he's alive..." It was far too much to handle. She was nearing hysterics now, on the verge of hyperventilating as she tried to calm down, but was failing miserably. How could anyone expect her to be calm after finding all of that out? It wasn't possible. No one could be okay with hearing that. "He's alive and he didn't want to see me." That was probably what hurt the worst. |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 11 2011, 05:08 PM Post #4 |
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At mentioning Serena, Leon stiffened up a bit. He wasn`t sure how he felt about it and he just decided to stay silent about that comment. At least it explained who took Cassie to Mungos. As he saw how she started crying, he placed his hand on her cheek, cupping her face. ”Cassie, please, don`t cry…” He murmured softly. He didn`t yet know the reason for her being there, but whatever the reason, he didn`t want her crying. He hated when she was crying. It broke his heart every single time. But then she said something that made him completely freeze up. Leon didn`t do anything else, he stood like a statue and stared back at Cassie. Few moments, few deep breaths. ”W-what?” he murmured, pulling his hand away from her face and stretching up. He just couldn`t actually catch that, it went through his mind and he felt like he was hit with a bag of bricks. He took few more deep breaths and swallowed the lump in his throat. ”Cassie, what are you talking about?” His voice became non existent and instead he simply whispered, not sure how to function properly. At last he shook his head. ”Cassie, that`s nonsense. It`s just… just not true.” he murmured, frowning and looking down at her. ”Who told you something like that? Cassie, it`s ridiculous…” he breathed out, still shaking his head. No no no, it could not be true. It just couldn`t. If it was true everything was going to fall. But what could he do else? Only then he caught the reason why she was there. She was in labor. In labor as in giving birth to their child as in the baby coming out. ”What? … Labor…? Cas… It`s… It`s early. Are you sure…? I mean… how?” |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 11 2011, 05:19 PM Post #5 |
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Telling her not to cry often only made her cry more. It was the case this time as well. She tried not to, she really did, but she wasn't able to hold it in. Every single thing that had happened had thrown her on some weird emotional roller coaster that she seemed to not be able to get off of. Leon's reaction seemed to be shocked as well, and she totally understood that. And he didn't believe it. Just like she hadn't. But Cassie shook her head at his comments, completely dismissing them. Yes, it was ridiculous, it was nonsense, but it was true. She didn't know how, and she didn't want to know how, but it was. Jake was really alive. "I know it sounds crazy, and I didn't believe it at first either," she started, eyes now completely blurred by the water falling from them. She could barely even see Leon at all. "But Serena saw him, okay, she spoke to him, and he just ran... I don't know how he did it, or why, but he's alive. He's alive and he didn't want anyone to know. Not Serena, not you... Not even me." She wiped at her eyes then, Leon's concern now being their son. Oh, God, their son... She'd almost forgotten all about him with the whole Jake thing. She took a deep, shaky breath, trying to regain her thoughts. No matter what, her son was still the most important thing. "I know... I know it's early, but after the whole Jake thing, I... I don't even know, my water broke, and Serena took me here..." She sighed. "I mean, it's early, I'm not having the baby right this very second, but I didn't want to sit at home and wait. If something went wrong, I... I wouldn't know what to do..." |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 11 2011, 09:01 PM Post #6 |
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Cassie was telling him that Jake was alive and all what Leon could do was shake his head. There was no way she could be sure, there was no damn possibility it was like that. Maybe she had a dream again, maybe that was what made her think like that, he almost started praying that it would be like that. But then Serena was mentioned and he stopped shaking his head soon. ”She… spoke… to him.” He repeated slowly, looking down at Cassie, but not really seeing her. Serena saw Jake and spoke to him. Right. No matter what, his main priority was to prove to Cassie that she was wrong and in such way calm her down. If she was in labor, it meant that she couldn`t be stressed out like that, she couldn`t be thinking about Jake at such moment. Leon decided that best would be to deny everything, even if it made sense, deny it and maybe she would listen. Even if by then he knew that she never listened. ”Cassie…” He sighed and softly looked at her. ”It`s not true. He can`t be alive and not come to see you. He`s not like that.” He tried his best not to lie, too. Cassie had suffered too many lies already and he felt like adding anything more would break her down at some point. ”I`m sure that if it were true and if he could, he`d come straight to you. He… he would, okay?” Leon hoped that she would believe him. How else could he calm her down? How else could he make her forget about all of that and give birth to their son? When the conversation went back to their baby, he listened carefully, nodding along every now and then, his expression worried. ”Okay, well, but does that mean that… you know… he will be alright, right? I mean, some babies born earlier, but they make it and it all ends fine, right? If it`s early, it only means we will have him sooner, that`s all.” Saying that he tried to calm down both her and himself. If anything happened to their child… |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 11 2011, 09:48 PM Post #7 |
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He didn't believe her, it wasn't that hard to see it. Of course he didn't believe her - who would? But she needed him to. At that very moment, more than anything, she needed him to believe her. She'd never lie to him about something like that. Serena would never lie to him about something like that and she'd gone to the flat with the intention of telling Leon. Lie to her, maybe, but not Leon. "I need you to believe me," she stressed the 'need' part. If he couldn't believe her, then no one could. And after everything they'd been through, everything he'd seen, how could he not believe her? After all that, this was almost logical. "You're a vampire in love with a werewolf that's carrying your child. Not to mention the fact that I'm a witch. You've seen some crazy things being in Joanna's coven. And you're honestly convinced that it's impossible that Jake's actually alive? I mean, I know what happened, I was there too, but... But what if somehow, he really did get away? What if he's really alive?" Leon's words hurt, because that was what she'd originally thought. He'd come to see her, let her know that he was okay. But Serena's words stuck with her and she knew that they made the most sense. He wouldn't come to her. He'd run away. "He wouldn't come for me, Leon..." she said quietly with another shake of her hand. She wiped the tears again, took a deep breath, but it was all futile. She was almost ready to just accept the fact that that state of panic would be constant from then on. "He wanted me to forget that life, okay? He wouldn't run right back to me after all of that. Maybe... Maybe he just decided that I wasn't worth all that trouble. I mean... I wasn't even worth the truth to him." She'd never doubted Jake's feelings for her until the day that she'd seen him with Joanna. And after that, after he'd explain everything, she was back to not doubting him. Anyone who was willing to go through that, to die in such a way, was definitely in love with the person he was dying for. Finding out that he was alive now, that he hadn't actually sacrificed himself for her? It really did make her wonder. Just because the contractions were still far apart, didn't mean that they did not hurt. Of course, being so worked up was making everything far more painful than it actually needed to be. She inhaled deeply as another one hit, closing her eyes until that brief moment of pain passed. Her eyes opened again at Leon's words. God, she hoped he was right. "Eleven weeks, Leon," she said, her voice shaky again. It was early. Too early. What if he wasn't okay? What if there was something wrong with him? What if he couldn't breathe right when he came out? "He's supposed to stay in there for eleven more weeks. His lungs aren't even developed fully yet, and... And even if he is born and everything's okay, he's still going to need to stay here for who knows how long while the Healers monitor him to make sure everything is okay. But what if it's not? What if it's not okay? And we haven't even named him yet! I'm just... I'm not ready to have this baby. He's not ready... He's... God, Leon... I... I can't lose my son... I can't..." Edited by Cassie Davis, Jan 12 2011, 05:21 AM.
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![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Monica Grant | Jan 12 2011, 01:33 PM Post #8 |
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[ooc:yup. wrong acc]
Edited by Monica Grant, Jan 12 2011, 01:34 PM.
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![]() ...I've been believing in something so distant... | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 12 2011, 01:35 PM Post #9 |
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Leon found it too hard to be listening to what she was saying. He couldn`t keep still in one place and his hands kept switching places, running into his hair, then trailing down, resting on the bed, then going on his waist… he couldn`t calm down and couldn`t stop being so nervous. What could he possibly do? How could he tell her not to think about it anymore? ”It`s not that I don`t believe you, it`s…” but he broke off and shook his head. He had to stick with his idea of trying to convince her that it wasn`t true. It was the only way to calm her down. Then he suddenly frowned at her words. How could she even imply such ideas? ”He would not decide that it was not worth all the trouble and leave you for that!” he disagreed firmly, shaking his head. Leon couldn`t calmly listen to such assumptions. How many times Cassie needed to be told that she was loved? How many times would he have to repeat it for her to finally believe it? No matter what happened, no one feelings had changes so far. She still seemed not to keen on believing that. ”You know that. And… if he lied, it was not because you weren`t worth the truth.” It hurt him to think that Cassie was thinking that way. He really wanted to make it all right, but had no idea how. ”Don`t you dare tell yourself otherwise. You know it`s true. Don`t pretend that it`s not. It only makes things harder.” Slowly he noticed how his decision not to let her believe it was true turned into a decision of trying to prove that anything Jake did was not because she was worthless. When the conversation came back to their son, Leon swallowed a lump in his throat. So, no one could guarantee that it was going to be okay. But no one could guarantee that when the child was conceived so technically nothing changed. At least Leon tried to make himself believe that. ”Cas… our son is a fighter. He had proved that more than once. I`m sure he`ll get through that. He`s too strong to leave us. Not now.” he spoke slowly, trying to calm her down. ”We`re surrounded by people who will make sure to save our child`s life. It`s the best place to be in right now. I`m sure everything will be fine.” Talking about their son made him slowly start to hate himself. How could he? How could he keep lying to her, in order to protect her. Besides, he knew that he had to tell her, sooner or later, but he thought it would be later. Much later. After the birth, after everything calmed down. But obviously the moment decided to be selfish and come much sooner than expected. He let go of her hand and steppes away. Leon didn`t want to see her face. He thought it would be too impossible for her. ”As for Jake…” he spoke slowly, trying to keep calm. If he said too much, he knew it could harm her and the situation. But he couldn`t lie like that anymore. He looked down at his hands, trying to avoid her eyes. ”I`ve known. I`ve always known that he`s… alive.” He spoke silently. To his relief it felt better. Not completely, but a tiny bit better after saying that. |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 12 2011, 09:42 PM Post #10 |
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So, he didn't think she was making it up or lying. Still, he wasn't agreeing with her and she couldn't lie, that sort of hurt. For what reason did she ever have to lie to him? Especially in her condition, in their relationship, why would she ever lie to him about something like that? She'd lied about him being the father, but that was because she couldn't imagine life without him. This was different. She'd never lie about this. Did he ever agree with anything she said? Fine, maybe Jake didn't find her unworthy his time and effort, but he obviously had some reason for not coming to see her. Whatever it was, it probably was a stupid reason. Wasn't it always? She was also counting his leaving for protection as a stupid reason. She'd always been against being separated from Jake, for any length of time, for any reason. "Then what, Leon?!" Maybe she was getting a little too annoyed, but everything had her too on edge. By that point, her tears had dried and her eyes had hints of anger in them. Not toward Leon, of course, but toward Jake. How could he just leave like that? "Then what possible reason would he have for running away? He left me, okay? He let me believe that he was dead and he never came back. What the hell am I supposed to think? That he left me because it was for the best? We both know that's crap." It'd be a stupid Jake reason, though. Frowning again at the mention of her son, she pushed herself into a sitting position. Women in labor usually walked around to keep it going correctly anyway, right? And while she was too lazy to walk, she could at least sit. Although moving somehow sparked another contraction... Ow. As he spoke, her hand went to her belly, softly covering the little life inside of her. He was right - their son was a fighter. If he wasn't going to make it, she'd have lost him a long time ago. He wasn't going to go down now, not this close to the end. So, she nodded, though the frown didn't erase from her face. Sure, he'd be fine... but she still didn't like the idea of giving birth early. When Leon pulled his hand away and stepped back, Cassie looked up at him, that frown stuck there still. But as he began speaking, that frown soon disappeared and the expression was replaced with something much colder. "You knew?" she asked, her voice void of any emotion whatsoever. "You knew... and you never said anything?" It was hard to express the emotions that went through her at that very moment. Leon knew. He'd known the whole time. Everything... He'd known everything. And he'd led her to believe that Jake was gone. He'd lied to her. He'd been lying the entire time. If she'd felt betrayed by finding out that Jake was still alive, this was almost worse. She wasn't going to even bother expressing how much her heart was breaking. "How dare you?" she whispered, her voice cold and angry. Her eyes had narrowed into a hateful glare, one that she'd never had toward Leon before. Not even in that month of being angry with him had she ever looked at him in such a way. "This entire time you've been lying to me... You let me believe... God, no wonder you didn't want to be with me at first. You knew he was still alive! You knew it was wrong! And you did it anyway... The entire year has just been a lie... Me and you... None of it has been real. How do you even live with yourself? A year, Leon! It's been nearly a year, and you have watched me nearly kill myself over his death, and now I find out that you knew he was alive?! Why the hell would you do that to me? I know he told you to babysit me and all that, but I highly doubt that he told you to mess with my head like this. I... I fell in love with you, and all of it, every single moment of it, was wrong. And you let it happen. I can't believe this... I..." Cassie was hurt. She was very hurt. How was she supposed to be alright with the fact that the man that she loved had been lying to her this whole time about the man she'd loved before him, about the man that she still loved? Betrayal was one thing, but this... This was more than that. Any trust she'd had in him was gone. "Get out." |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 13 2011, 03:28 PM Post #11 |
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Leon didn`t answer about the reason to leave. He didn’t want to tell her, while he knew that he had to. He kept hoping to tell her the whole truth sometime in the future. Preferably after their son is born and everything is okay. But the moment came much sooner and he wasn`t yet ready. She couldn`t handle the truth, could she? It would completely destroy her it would make her hate him and he didn`t want any of that. Still it seemed there was no other choice except staying silent. At least until she knew the whole story. He knew that everything was going to change after his last words. So he waited for her reaction, trying not to imagine how it would be. He knew Cassie and he knew she was going to hate him for lying to her. It wasn`t that hard to understand, he`d probably be angry if he were in her shoes. There was no good enough excuse for what he done, for what he was doing. It was just a principle of moral that he chose to stick by. In the eyes of others it might look like the worst thing possible but to him it all made sense. Deep inside he hoped that somehow Cassie would see it if he told her everything. That she would forgive him. The cold expression on her face appeared seconds after and Leon felt a cold shiver running down his spine. She was furious and unconsciously he took a step back, never had seen such an expression on her face before. It hurt him to see her like that and know that he was the cause of it. It hurt him knowing that this was one of those things he couldn`t change and make better. It was only going to get worse. And how would she react if she… no, he chose not to think about it. It was going to happen eventually, so what was the point of torturing himself before it happened? When she finally spoke he looked away. He didn`t dare looking at her and he didn`t want to see her eyes that moment. This was not how it was supposed to be. This was the complete opposite of it. ”I…” He breathed out, trying to answer, but failed. There was nothing he could say to make it better. The worst part was that her every word was true. Maybe not in the way she saw it, but it was still true. The entire year was a lie, it wasn`t real and he just let it happen, knowing how wrong it was. He hated himself, but… he had been hating himself for too long for it to matter anymore. ”I was supposed to leave.” he spoke slowly after a moment. If not Cassie`s pregnancy… he would have left and nothing would have happened between them. Well, not more than it already had. But then what she said last made him snap his head at her. Get out? She was telling him to leave and believed that he would listen? It was his son getting born, for God`s sake! How could he leave?”I`m not doing that, Cassie.” he spoke, trying to keep his voice calm. ”This is my son. I`m not going to leave.” That he was certain of. |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 13 2011, 03:54 PM Post #12 |
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He was supposed to leave. That was honestly the only thing that he had to say? That he was supposed to leave? She'd never made him stay. She'd given him the option, because she knew that she could've taken care of her son on her own. She hadn't needed Leon as much as she said she did back then. He was supposed to leave... Damn, he shouldn't have even come. "No, what you should have done was leave me the hell alone." Cassie would have been fine without him, without his input on everything. As much as she'd recently liked coming home to see Leon waiting for her, she suddenly found it annoying. The mere thought of him had her blood boiling. She'd been living a lie for so long and she hadn't had any idea about it. "I'd have been better off that way. Sure, rescue me from Joanna, whatever, but you had no right to stay. You had no right to do anything you've done to me. Everything you have ever said to me has been a lie. I can't take that calmly. I can't forgive that." There was only so much forgiving a person could do. And Cassie, who'd even forgiven Serena for the things she'd done and the comments she'd made toward her, could not stretch her forgiveness to Leon. He'd hurt her more deeply than she could have told him if she tried. And all that anger was her way of covering up that hurt. He had no right to see her so broken. He deserved only her anger. Cassie should have known he wouldn't listen when she told him to leave. Of course he'd argue. He still believed that this was his son. At that moment, she found herself extremely grateful that he wasn't. Sure, that meant she had no idea who the father was, but as long as it wasn't Leon, she didn't care. She wanted nothing to do with him. "He's not even your son, okay?!" she finally admitted it, not looking away. She wanted him to hurt, because of the way he'd hurt her. "I lied to you. I lied to you because I wanted you to stay, because I wanted to be with you. I wanted to raise a family with you and be together and... damn it, Leon, you've ruined all of that." Sure, the fact that she'd been lying made her no better than him, but she tried justifying it. It was a necessary lie, was it not? Edited by Cassie Davis, Jan 13 2011, 03:54 PM.
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![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 13 2011, 04:16 PM Post #13 |
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So, he was right. He should have left. Cassie said so herself. Leon should have left when he had a chance and it would have been better for everyone. That thought was painful, mostly because over the time he grew too close to the thought of being together with her, having a family. It made him forget the reality, everything. It made him feel good. But, as it turned out, he should have left. Cassie`s look was a proof of that. ”I know.” He said slowly, looking away. Sure he knew that he shouldn`t have stayed with her. He shouldn`t have slept with her or even touched her. But he failed to do all of that. ”I know I should have left, Cas! But how could I knowing that you were pregnant with my son?” To him that was the reason for everything. Why he didn`t leave, why he betrayed his friend, why he kept lying to her, why he was there in the hospital that moment. ”It changes everything.” His son. He never imagined having a son, so how could he leave one? If not that he would have left. Probably. There was nothing that could make him leave. No matter how angry Cassie was and no matter if she didn`t want to see him. She could keep yelling at him, call him the worst names possible, throwing things at him, he wasn`t going to leave. It wasn`t a matter of him and her anymore, but it was a matter of a new life, of his own blood. That was above everything, above all disagreements. Leon knew he hurt her, but he was positive he could fix that some other time. But their son could not get born some other time. He couldn`t leave and he wasn`t going to. At least he thought that it was like that. Right before she said those words he thought there was nothing in the world to change his mind. But his heart sunk to his knees. What did she just say? The more she spoke, the less alive he felt. Something was sweeping out everything from inside of him, leaving him empty and cold inside. ”What?” he just murmured, unable to say anything else. If that was true if that really was, that meant that everything he had done so far was worthless. Even Cassie`s pain was worthless. No. he didn`t want to believe that. ”I don`t… I don`t believe you…” he spoke, shaking his head. ”You`re just trying to hurt me.” She couldn`t have been that cruel, could she? |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 13 2011, 04:45 PM Post #14 |
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Idiot. He was an absolute idiot. At the very least, he could've told her the truth. If he'd have done that, then maybe she'd be okay, maybe they'd have gotten over Jake's abandonment together. They'd still end up together, after all. But finding all of this out left her feeling empty and cold. Love was supposed to be a good feeling, right? This was very much the opposite. In a way, Leon definitely had a point. She'd said it was his son that she was pregnant with, so... most men would stay. Most men, at least the good ones, wouldn't abandon their own child. Still, at that point, she wished he had. She wished that he'd left her. She could deal with his abandonment better than all of his lies. It'd be easier than this. Her cold expression almost faltered as she saw his reaction to what she'd said about the baby. It wasn't his. Not really. Sure, she'd always seen him as the father anyway, but not anymore. It didn't matter anymore, because he didn't matter anymore. She forced that hateful expression to stay on her face. She wouldn't let him see how much it hurt her. "I found out the day I told you that he was a boy. Right before you walked in," she said, keeping her voice steady. She wouldn't let it waver. "I didn't want you to know. I didn't want to hurt you. No matter what, you had still always been his father. But I don't care anymore. Even if you were his biological father, you don't deserve to be around him. Not anymore." Cassie really wished he'd just leave. Stress complicated labor. That baby wasn't coming out until Leon shut up, so she really wanted him to just go. He could be hurt and angry all he wanted if he kept it in the other room. No matter what, she didn't want to be completely alone, but she wouldn't let him know that. She was too hurt to let him know she still needed him. Mainly because she didn't care. She was willing to deny herself him in order to stay happier. All he'd ever done was destroy her happiness anyway. That was another lie, though. He'd made her happy. That was probably another reason she was so hurt. He'd made her so happy, and in the end, all he did was tear it down. |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 13 2011, 05:17 PM Post #15 |
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If it was true, if it really was true… Leon had no idea how to deal with it. He broke all of his promises, he stepped over all possible lines, he went as far as knowing he`d hurt hr, but doing it anyway, just because he believed that it was his son. That no matter what, she was carrying his child, his blood and bones, someone who would make everything better. He was positive that no matter how many lies he told, Cassie would be able to forgive him after she heard the whole truth. She would forgive him and he did that just for their son. Any other way he would have never done that. That was why he hoped that Cassie was lying. Taking her revenge or something. Anything. He just wasn`t going to admit that it could be truth, that it was possible. If it were, all of his world would break. It all would lose his reason and he`d be guilty for everything, every little thing he had done in the last year. How could he allow such thing? How could she make him accept such truth? But her face and her voice stayed cold. Leon didn`t want to hear what she had to say, but he did anyway. So it was true. He could see that she wasn`t lying, the truth was in her eyes. Leon couldn`t believe how much it hurt. He lived dreaming, waiting for the day he could see his son. For almost eight months it was the only thought possessing his mind, the only one that made the world better. It became his damn reason. Reason not to leave and to try to make it work, ignoring all the promises he gave. ”You didn`t want to hurt me…” he repeated, surprised by the coldness in his own voice. He couldn`t help it as his eyes welled up. This child was everything to him and now he lost it. He had to accept that it never belonged to him. There was a huge hole torn inside his heart. ”And you-“ He finally picked up his eyes to look at her. He was hurt and angry. Those two emotions kept mixing up inside, appearing on his face. ”You dare to talk about me hurting you because of lying? You can`t forgive me lying? You want me to go?” His voice was growing colder each sentence he spoke. Leon couldn`t help it. She stole away from him the one thing he didn`t think could be stolen. ”You`re far worse than I am, Cassie. I never lied to keep you with me. Not once.” Leon couldn`t take it anymore. He turned around and walked to the door, putting his hand on the handle. He wanted to get out, to leave, but lingered, his fingers gripping the cold metal. ”We… we deserve each other.” He spoke silently, his eyes stabbed at the door, his back turned to her. By that point he really had nothing more to say. Leon was crushed. He just wanted to get out. ”Goodbye.” He finally said, before opening the door and leaving the room. |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 13 2011, 07:36 PM Post #16 |
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Cassie wasn't going to bother to acknowledge how much his expression hurt her, how much it hurt her to hurt him. After all, he'd hurt her, so he deserved it, right? That was her justification. He'd done it so it was okay if she did. In reality, though, all it did was make her a hypocrite. How dare she be so upset with him when she'd done the very same thing? Still, she didn't care. She still felt that she was right. There was no way she'd hurt him as much as he'd hurt her. She was almost surprised at the cold tone to Leon's voice. Sure, he had a right to be upset, but she couldn't recall a time he'd spoken in such a way to her. Then again, she'd never spoken to him the way she'd been doing either. The entire situation had them both on edge, both angry and resentful. Still, she refused to back down. It was his fault, she kept telling herself. His fault that they were fighting like that. He'd been the one that did something wrong, not her. Of course he was angry, she wasn't expecting anything less. The way he spoke to her sent a stabbing pain through her heart. She'd lied as well, and yet she refused to forgive him for doing the very same thing. Wasn't a lie just a lie, no matter what the lie was about? Hadn't she always believed that very thing? Still, she held her ground. She didn't move her face at all, even though she was beginning to understand exactly why he was so upset. She wouldn't let him know that, though. Worse than him? Cassie didn't see that. She watched him leave, his words resonating in her ears. They deserved each other. Both liars, both manipulative and deceiving. Did they deserve anything less than someone that was just the same? It hurt to know how right he actually was. And when he was gone, when she couldn't see him any longer, she finally let herself break down. She let all of it come out, every single tear she'd been holding in. She didn't want to be alone. She was terrified to be alone. How was she supposed to give birth to this baby alone? How could she raise it alone? How could she be without him? Living with him for so long had left her incredibly dependent, and she honestly had no idea what to do anymore. It took longer than necessary for her crying to cease, but she couldn't stop. Everything had just been taken away from her. Essentially, her whole life had walked out that door when Leon had. The only thing she had left was her son, and he literally wouldn't come out until she'd calmed down. Her hysterics only caused more pain every time a contraction happened. When she'd finally entered into the final stages of labor, when she finally had to push, not even the epidural could work correctly when she was so stressed out. She was too scared to calm down. Why couldn't she have just told Leon the baby wasn't his afterward? Why couldn't they have fought afterward? Having a baby alone was somehow terrifying. She didn't get to hold him. When he came out, the Healers had immediately cleaned him off and merely showed him to Cassie before taking him away. She couldn't have held him in her state anyway, she guessed, but still. He was just so tiny, couldn't have weighed more than two pounds. And seeing him hurt, because she knew that she hadn't done enough. Maybe if she hadn't had that one ice cream cone, or maybe if she'd slept longer. Maybe if she'd told Serena to leave. Maybe then he'd have had more time to grow. She probably should have contacted someone. Even having Risa in there with her would have been okay, because she didn't like staying there alone. After the baby was born, after they'd taken him away, she was still there - alone. Alone because she'd messed up. Alone because of no one but herself. |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 13 2011, 08:06 PM Post #17 |
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When Leon stormed out he really wanted to leave. He wanted to leave the hospital, to go somewhere far away and let his frustration out. How could she have lied to him about something like that? But he was selfish, he knew his lies were just as bad, if not worse. Still… he lied to protect her. She lied for him not to leave. It hurt to think that the child he grew to love so much wasn`t really his. Damn, the one thing Leon wanted to do was to run. Run until he`d be out of breath, his muscles would be sore and his mind would be too tired to think. But he couldn`t do none of that – the sun was out. Everything outside was bright and he couldn`t take one step outside without dying. Just for a second, half a second even, he considered the possibility, but then quickly dismissed it. No. Of course not. So, instead he went to find a place to calm down. To let it all down. That turned out to be the man room. Leon technically was guilty for few broken mirrors, but that was all. He was breathing heavily as he splashed his face with cold water. What was he supposed to do next? What the hell was he supposed to do next?! He left the man`s room and went to sit in the cafeteria, blankly staring at people, their faces, their eyes… but there was only one thing on his mind – Cassie was probably giving birth that very moment. And he wanted to go see her, he wanted to hold her hand and be there for her, he wanted to make sure that everything was okay, that she was okay, that the child was okay. But then he remembered – it wasn`t his child. That child had nothing to do with him. It was not his part, nothing. But for some reason he still felt closely connected to the baby, so closely it hurt him not to be with Cassie that moment. Leon had no idea how much time he spent just sitting there and staring. It must have been long, because he went through every single memory that he and Cassie shared. Went through them thoroughly and eventually decided – she deserved the truth. She deserved to know everything. Now what she knew could only harm her, for she`d think up her own reasons and explanations, some much more painful than the truth. Leon had to tell her. He knew she was going to hate him much more after it, he knew she would probably never forgive him, but he also knew that if he left like that, not knowing anything might destroy her. She already thought that the reason for Jake not seeing her was because he didn`t think she was worthy enough. Leon, no matter how angry on her, wasn`t cruel. Not that cruel. Besides, after all that time had passed, his anger faded only leaving him with that cold emptiness. He felt like he lost his purpose. That meant it was time for that one last job. Going up to Cassie`s room he knocked on the door and walked in. At first he was afraid to look at her, but then got over it. She looked tired. He knew he probably did too. ”Hey.” He murmured silently. There was no more coldness left in his voice, but a silent defeat. She won. He gave up. It had lost it`s meaning anyway. ”How… how is he?” It may have not been his child, but Leon still cared about it. Running his hand through his face he walked to one of the chairs, sat down and looked down at his hands. Why did he feel like he didn`t care anymore? Losing that child, having to say the truth to Cassie… it meant that everything he had done so far was pointless. And he hated that. ”I…” he sighed and closed his eyes. She was never going to want to see him again after what he had to say. ”I realized that you need to know the truth. The whole truth about… me and… about Jake. About what really happened…” he spoke in the same silent voice, still not looking at her. ”I was going to tell you after you gave birth and after there were no more risk. I suppose the time has come anyway.” |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 13 2011, 08:43 PM Post #18 |
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It was funny how slow time could actually go by. She was tired, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep, but she still somehow very alert. She felt drained, both mentally and physically. After everything, after giving birth to her son, she really just wanted to rest. Rest for a while, then go home with him. If only life liked to work the way she wanted it to, that'd be perfectly fine. When Leon walked back in, Cassie turned and watched him enter. She didn't fight with him. She wasn't in the mood to fight anymore. All she did was reply with a quiet, "hey." She wasn't angry anymore. Not really. As for the baby? "He's alright... Tiny. Healers took him right away... Never even let me hold him. Something about me being too emotionally unstable at that moment. That, and they wanted to check him over and make sure everything is okay..." She spoke quietly, but she knew that Leon could hear her. She wasn't going to speak any louder. She was just too tired. When Leon spoke about Jake again, Cassie only sighed. Really? They were really going to go back to this? Did he not see that she was clearly not in the state to argue? Fine, whatever. She'd take the truth. Somehow, she was pretty apprehensive about what the real truth was. Could it really get any worse? "What else could you possibly have to say, Leon? What more is there?" |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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| Leon Goodwill | Jan 13 2011, 09:08 PM Post #19 |
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It was a relief to hear that the baby was okay. Even if it wasn`t Leon`s child, he still felt responsible for it. It wasn`t something he could shake off easily. He understood that he had no blood bonds with that baby, but he had bonded with him over time. He hated that feeling of being torn by the truth. If only everything had gone differently… well, it was too late. Nothing was going to go back to the way it were. And after what he had to say? Nothing was ever going to be the same again. He was sure of it. ”I`m sure he`ll be okay. He`s very strong.” He said with a slow nod. The anger had faded away completely, leaving him simply empty. He lost his son and now he was going to lose Cassie. What else did he had in that world? Serena? She wasn`t enough. And that was it. Not a single person more that would be enough for him to see the purpose anymore. He was done. Cassie seemed to be feeling somehow the same. She wasn`t angry anymore, maybe too tired for that. He knew she didn`t want to hear the truth that moment, but he also knew that later he might not be able to tell her anymore. Get scared. And if Cassie really felt that way about him already, she`d want him to leave. That was the only moment he could tell her, the only moment he felt too out of it not to be shivering at the thought. She was going to hate him. She was never going to forgive him for that. Things were supposed to be different, but something happened that change all their plans. Cassie got pregnant, told him it was his and made him leave. It`s all his fault, really. If it were his choice, none of it would have happened. For a second Leon looked up to see her eyes. She meant too much for him. It wasn`t fair. But in a way, he was thankful. If not the lie, he would have had less time with her. She probably wouldn`t be as hurt as she was going to be, but in this case he had over seven more months to be with her. If this had to be the last moment… who was he to try and make it last forever? He had to leave and now he will probably be forced to. It was only a matter of time. Ina way… he`d still keep his promise. ”What more?” Leon repeated, darting his eyes back at his fingers. It was too hard, knowing the consequences of it. Knowing that it was going to change every single thing. ”What you know is… is such a tiny part of the truth…” he murmured, shaking his head. A lump suddenly appeared in his throat, blocking it. He felt how random tears gathered in his eyes. What the hell were they doing there? He was scared. So scared to see her reaction. So scared to break her heart. He didn`t want to do that. He was afraid of that moment since he found out that Cassie was pregnant. But he knew it was going to come. He just didn`t know it would come so soon. Leon ran his hands through his face and leant his head back, his eyes closed. The year ran through his mind in a couple of seconds. All what happened in the Greenlake Manor, the escape, losing Cassie and looking for her, finding her in a bar, bringing her home… seeing her so broken and in so much pain… back then he was sure he couldn`t make it. He was sure that he was going to break down and tell her every single thing. How could he not? He had to watch her in pain, knowing that few words could make everything better. But he tried to keep his promise. He tried so hard. He remembered the way he kissed her and the kitchen table… he remembered sleeping with her and… and the morning after… he remembered the guilt, seeing her still broken. He remembered everything and he was sick of himself. How could a man be so weak? He was supposed to fight everything off, not to let her get close. But then he remembered her in the hospital and how he told her he loved her. That moment… that moment he didn`t care about anything else, but her. She was the only thing important. She and the child he thought was his. Slowly he looked at her. He would have done anything for her. And he did. The truth was the last thing he was going to do. And then… well, he was sure she was going to hate him, so what did it matter what would happen then? It would be all lost anyway. ”First of all, my name isn`t Leon. It never has been.” He spoke, his voice silent, but steady. He was trying his best to keep still and do it as calmly as he could. But knowing how she`d react was slowly breaking him. ”And it was me who Serena saw in the alley…” His voice broke off at the end. He was the worst person on the entire earth, wasn`t he? Lying so shamelessly to the woman he loves. ”Cassie… I never left you. I never thought you weren`t worth my time. I…” The huge lump in his throat made his voice hoarse, but he still had to finish. After that… well, who cares? ”It`s me. I`m Jake.” She will never want to see him again, will she? |
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| Cassie Davis | Jan 13 2011, 09:29 PM Post #20 |
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Cassie wasn't sure what she was expecting. Maybe Leon would tell her where Jake was hiding. Maybe he'd just explain everything that had happened, how Jake had gotten away, if Jake was alright. A small explanation was all that she wanted. Anything more would only annoy her, and she really couldn't take anything annoying right then. All of her anger was gone. She wished it wasn't, because whatever Leon had to say would probably require anger, but she couldn't muster any of it. So, she laid there and listened to what he had to say. She only knew a tiny part of the truth? That meant that there was much more left to tell... meaning he'd lied about even more than she thought. Somehow, that didn't upset her like she thought it would. It was too hypocritical to be angry with him for lying now. His name wasn't Leon. That new fact had her eyebrow arching slightly. So, he'd lied about who he was. Great. Suddenly she was even more apprehensive. Who had she been living with? Who had she been sleeping with? Accepting him as Jake's friend made everything somehow easier because she felt like she could trust him. Now, she was worried about who he really was. When he spoke again, Cassie found her eyes widening. Serena had seen him in the alley. Him, though she'd thought she'd seen Jake. And every word explained even more. And as he spoke about himself, using those very same accusations she'd had against Jake for himself, it all made sense. Her wide eyes filled with tears as he finished. He was Jake. Leon was Jake. Leon had been Jake the entire time. "What...? How...?" It didn't make any sense. She'd watched Jake die, but Jake was in front of her, but he looked like Leon. Somehow, it made sense, but it was still extremely confusing. She literally had been living a lie, and she'd had no idea. "Why?" She was too upset to get angry, too drained. It just depressed her. He'd been Jake the whole time and he'd never told her. "If you're Jake... why? Why didn't you tell me?" |
![]() [Moni!] We got our backs against the ocean; It's just us against the world. Looking at all or nothing, Babe, it's you and I. | |
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